i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
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