Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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