youre lurking in front of me
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
it was like eating out sand paper
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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