don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
