That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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