She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
