VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
