Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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