Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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