I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
