I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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