And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I need a burrito and a hug.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My breasts were aching with rage.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
