3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I need moral support for this bender
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
