I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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