she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
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Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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