you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
