This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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