I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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