I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
