my vag is so smooth its legendary
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
