'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
