we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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