if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
