honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
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I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
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Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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