Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My liver just broke up with me...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
