I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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