had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
