I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
