I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
