haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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