People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
