what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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