also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
This is my gift to your gina
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
