just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
