i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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