im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
