My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
