did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
