Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
