i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
