She said her name was "party"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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