Your dad touched me again.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
