note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
