hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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