Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
