Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
