Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
