About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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