About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
