You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
