If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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