I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
