It's Friday. Sex?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
