He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
third nipple confirmed
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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