so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
