My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
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This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize