I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We had sex on a dog bed..
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
