Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
