Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
