dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
