you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
