yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
