then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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