I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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