Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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