This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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