Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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